The Most Important Journey I Ever Made

I’ve experienced key moments in my life where I would describe it as being “popped out of a bubble.”

The first time was when I moved to the United States from Moscow at almost eight years old. I had to start my life all over again—learning English and adjusting to a whole new culture.

One moment, I was a little Russian girl surrounded by family and friends in a world that was simple, familiar, and safe. The next, I was watching the breaking down of a communist nation through my young eyes and seeing our friends and family spread themselves all around the world.

I started early navigating the unknown while eating Kentucky Fried Chicken and drinking Coca-Cola (we didn't have this in Russia) with my cousins in Kentucky and at the same time learning Hebrew and English (I didn't know I was Jewish until that point.)

That move planted the seeds of resilience and adaptability in me. I quickly became my family’s translator, navigating a new language and culture, wearing pass-me-down clothes, while watching them work minimum-wage jobs despite their college degrees. At the same time, I tried hard to fit in, often hiding my Russian identity. After a year and a half in Kentucky we moved to NJ, and my roots kept shifting as I skipped 4th grade.

Looking back, I see how lonely I felt in my younger years. Sports and art became my saviors, giving me outlets to channel my energy and create a sense of belonging.

The second bubble burst when I was 17 and went on a volleyball trip to Europe—the first time I’d left the country since immigrating. Meeting people from all over the world and immersing myself in different cultures awakened something in me.

For the first time, I felt truly at ease, and I realized that I had been trying so hard to fit into a world that didn’t fully resonate with me. I called it breaking out of the “NJ bubble.”

That trip sparked a lifelong love of travel. Since then, I’ve explored 38+ countries, backpacked solo through places like Europe, New Zealand and Central America, and stood in awe of breathtaking landscapes like Patagonia and Iceland. Travel fed my soul and I needed it to thrive to balance out the hard work I was putting into the NYC nine-to-five grind.

The third bubble that burst was my spiritual awakening in 2018 — which for the first time led me on a healing journey inward and to discover the magic beyond the mundane.

After my awakening, I came to realize that the journey inward was just as rich and fulfilling as any adventure I had experienced outwardly. The same deep yearning for exploration and discovery that I had sought through travel was now calling me to dive within. It became clear to me that the inner landscape is vast, filled with as much wonder and adventure as the external world.

Traveling the world taught me to marvel at the beauty, diversity, and mystery of life. Each new place felt like an invitation to expand my understanding, not just of others, but of myself. I became more adaptable, curious, and open to the unexpected.

There’s a profound synergy between external exploration and internal healing.

When we travel to a new place, we step out of our comfort zone and confront the unknown. It’s a practice of letting go—of routines, expectations, and even parts of our identity that no longer fit. Similarly, the journey inward asks us to let go of old patterns, beliefs, and inherited burdens that no longer serve us. Both journeys require courage, curiosity, and the willingness to be vulnerable.

There are so many tools that have helped me navigate my inner landscape and I want to share three of them here:

1) Astrology 2) Family Constellations 3) Somatic Healing

Tools for Inner Explorations

01 — Astrology 
A Map for Inner Exploration

I’ve always felt a deep pull to explore the world, but discovering astrology helped me understand why: my Moon is in the 9th house. 

In astrology, the 9th house represents travel, exploration, and the quest for meaning—all themes that resonate deeply with my life. With my Moon in this house, my emotional fulfillment has always been tied to seeking wisdom and understanding through both outer and inner journeys. I’m a lifelong learner.

The 9th house is ruled by Sagittarius—a sign that is said to be adventurous, honest, energetic, curious, and flexible. It’s also a sign of natural explorers with a desire to learn how the world works. I happen to have many planetary placements in the sign of Sag as well. The more I study astrology, the more I see how these placements shape my life and those of others. (Any of you Sag people relate for the quest of adventure?)

The Moon, in astrology, represents our emotional core and our needs—the part of us that craves fulfillment and security. It answers the question: What do I need to feel good?

For me, it helps me recognize that the same energy driving my desire to explore the world (including a quest for knowledge) urges me to explore myself—my emotions, my patterns, my deeper truths. 

The Moon is a powerful, unseen force. It operates in the background until we bring awareness to it.

What’s Your Moon Story?
Have you ever explored the placement of your Moon in your natal chart? Your Moon reveals what you need to feel emotionally fulfilled and secure. Take a moment to reflect:

• What do you instinctively turn to for comfort?

• Are there recurring patterns in your emotional world?

• How do you nurture your inner self?

• If you know your Moon’s sign and house, what insights does it offer about your unique needs and inner landscape?

In the near future, I’ll share some resources on the moon for those of you who are new to this. 

02 — Family Constellations
Exploring Your Inner World on the Outside

While astrology revealed patterns and a sense of alignment with my life’s path, Family Constellations opens the door to deeper truths: some of the challenges we face may be rooted in dynamics far beyond our own personal story. 

Family Constellations reveals how the unseen dynamics of our family systems influence our life in ways we don’t realize.

Immigration is a monumental act. It’s not just a physical move; it’s an energetic shift that ripples through generations. When a family leaves their homeland, they carry with them both the dreams that propelled them forward and the grief of what they left behind. As the first generation to grow up in a new country, I inherited that energetic mix of hope and loss without even realizing it.

The first time I participated in a Family Constellations session, the facilitator brought in a representative for Russia. It was like uncovering a hidden part of myself that I had long ignored. Through this process, I saw how much energy it had taken for my family to leave their roots behind, and I felt the weight of their sacrifices in a new way. But I also saw the immense love and support within my family—love that had often been obscured by the challenges of starting over.

This session allowed me to reconcile the pieces of my identity that had felt fragmented. I was able to honor the place I came from and acknowledge the strength it took for my family to create a new life. It also gave me a deeper sense of belonging—not just in the present, but across time and space, connected to the generations that came before me.

How Family Constellations Can Relate to Your Journey

If you’ve ever felt the pull of an unresolved inner story—whether tied to a significant life shift, a sense of displacement, or a loss of belonging—Family Constellations can illuminate the hidden dynamics shaping your experience.

Many of us unconsciously carry the weight of our family’s history: the unspoken grief of migration, the echoes of ancestral trauma, or the dreams passed down through generations. These burdens, while invisible, often influence the choices we make and the barriers we face in stepping fully into our lives. 

Family Constellations offers a path inward—a way to uncover and honor these patterns. By bringing awareness to these inherited dynamics, you can create a space for healing, release, and transformation. It’s a powerful way to reclaim your story and align more fully with the life you’re meant to live.

03 — Somatic Healing
Internal Travel Through the Body’s Wisdom

One of the most powerful tools I’ve found on my journey inward is somatic healing. The body holds so much wisdom—it carries the stories, emotions, and experiences of all the parts of us, often unseen or forgotten. Through embodiment practices, we learn to listen to the body, tuning into its sensations, subtle shifts, and deep knowing. It’s like embarking on an internal journey, where the landscape is made of our sensations and inner experiences, offering a map to the parts of us that need attention.

In many ways, internal travel through the body feels just like the external exploration I’ve always been drawn to. Just as traveling the world opens us up to new cultures, landscapes, and perspectives, traveling inward into our bodies invites us to discover uncharted territory, parts of us that we haven’t yet fully explored or understood. When we slow down and listen to what the body is communicating, we access a deeper kind of knowledge, one that goes beyond what we can see or analyze with the mind.

It may show up as tension in a certain area, a feeling of lightness or heaviness, or a sensation that invites us to move or breathe in a particular way. These subtle clues are like signposts guiding us through our own internal terrain. And just like the external world, our inner landscape is rich with layers—memories, emotions, and past experiences—that shape who we are today.

The body often holds unresolved experiences from different parts of us—whether from childhood, family patterns, or life events. Somatic practices help us release what no longer serves us while also honoring the parts of us that need healing or integration. It’s through this deep listening that we begin to reconnect with our bodies and the wisdom they carry, embracing the vast inner world that exists within.

 Internal travel through the body isn’t just about healing past wounds—it’s about discovering new dimensions of ourselves and connecting to the vastness of Source Energy that’s all around us by going inwards.

Every sensation, every breath, every movement becomes an opportunity to listen more deeply, to honor the parts of us that are asking to be seen, heard, and integrated. Just like an external journey can lead to profound transformation and understanding, traveling inward through somatic healing offers us the chance to explore and embrace all parts of our being.

"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." – Ralph Waldo Emerson

From moving countries and traveling the world, I’ve learned to embrace the unknown, to surrender to uncertainty, and to welcome new experiences with curiosity and awe. I’ve come to understand that those same qualities are required on the journey inward. These are some of the tools that have become my guides in navigating the terrain of my inner world. They have helped me uncover the stories, patterns, and parts of myself that were waiting to be seen, healed, and integrated.

Everytime we discover something new about ourselves, we experience a “popping of the bubble” as we journey into a new perspective of the world.

As you reflect on your own journey—both outward and inward—consider: What uncharted territory within yourself is calling for exploration? What parts of you are waiting to be seen, heard, and understood? Just as the outer world is full of wonders, the inner landscape is rich with opportunities for growth and transformation, always waiting for your attention and care.

As you take the next step on your own journey, may you have the courage to explore, heal, and embrace all parts of yourself. Because, in the end, the most important journey we ever make is the one back to ourselves.

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The Magic of Gathering: Creating Spaces for Healing & Connection

As I mentioned in my previous post: there’s something I really love about intentional gatherings.

I’ve learned, through Focalizing (the somatic healing modality I offer and the practitioner training I co-teach) and through the teachings of its founder Michael Picucci, that when people come together with a shared intention: magic happens.

Each member of the group brings important pieces of the larger puzzle.

There’s a felt sense of expansion, flow, and each member becomes a conduit for the stream of information that arrives from the universe into the collective space. (This is certainly what actually happens during Family Constellations as well.) 

This is why I love holding ceremonies and workshops so much. These intentionally held spaces create opportunities for connection, transformation, and healing that ripple out into our lives.

The Power of Community

One of the most beautiful aspects of gathering in community is witnessing and supporting each other’s healing journeys. When we come together in a circle, we create a unique constellation that will never be repeated in exactly the same way. These moments stay with us, shaping who we are and how we move through the world.

With cacao, I’ve seen miracles unfold—from grieving losses and connecting with ancestors to hearing one’s higher self, healing childhood wounds, and discovering self-love. Here’s a testimonial to share such an experience:

“I want to share that doing this cacao ceremony was something I planned to connect with my mother who had passed during 2019 and it would have been her birthday. The spirit guide I met on my journeying was a combination of her essence, an indigenous woman, myself and goddess energy (divine feminine). I received profound messages including to trust that I can connect with her and this divine feminine energy whenever I want to. That I should trust my intuition when it comes to the method of this connection and to my own personal healing journey. Thank you (and cacao) for making this possible!” — Lyra

In Family Constellations, the healing goes even deeper as we witness family systems from a new perspective. By seeing the patterns that have shaped us, we gain the opportunity to release what no longer serves us, honor our lineage, and step into our most authentic selves.

​​Illuminating the Shadows

When we shine a light on the unconscious beliefs and inherited traumas held within us and our family systems, we begin to loosen their grip.

For many of us, it wasn’t safe to be ourselves growing up—to express emotions, make mistakes, follow our hearts, or speak our truth. These experiences often stem from generations of conditioning and survival patterns and are held deep in our bodies.

Our parents, grandparents, and generations beyond had very different generational upbringings that were even more restricted.

But this doesn’t have to define our future or our present. I truly believe that we’re part of an evolution. As we heal, we create new possibilities—not just for ourselves but for the generations that follow and the collective at large.

I imagine a future where families provide spaces for their children to grow without the weight of past traumas and conditioning.

A future where we’re free to be our authentic selves around our chosen family and friends. When we allow this, peace prevails.

This is the space that I always intend to hold and invite everyone to hold for each other.

Creating and holding safe spaces is my passion.

It took me years to feel safe speaking in groups. I was scared, but over time, I found my voice. That journey taught me how to lead and share my gifts with the world.

Now, I’m finding new edges to explore, like singing. For much of my life, I was too scared to sing. But lately, I’ve found myself in spaces where I can let my true voice out and learn. It’s humbling and liberating. These experiences remind me that we all deserve places where we can heal, grow, and express ourselves freely.

This is why I love creating immersive retreats and gatherings—spaces where we can explore our lineages, work with cacao, and step into deeper transformation together. Whether through Family Constellations, embodiment work, or cacao ceremony, these experiences allow us to heal in ways many of us didn’t experience growing up.

They offer a chance to illuminate shadows, release old patterns, and invite new possibilities into our lives. Deep, meaningful—and always filled with connection and joy.

Have you ever had a moment where a group experience changed you? I’d love to hear about it. Leave a comment on this post.

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If you feel called to this kind of work, I’d love to welcome you into a future gathering.

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Reflecting on Growth: Thorn, Rose, and Bud 🌹✨

I had a really beautiful New Year in the Poconos, spending time with new friends and it was deeply moving.

Together, we played music, sang songs, and shared stories. Since my trip to Peru in November where I studied with a new Shipibo Maestro, I've learned a few songs, and for the first time in my life, I felt excited to sing. This was a huge breakthrough for me, as I used to be so scared of sharing my voice.

Tiger and I have been incorporating more music into our ceremonies. We've discovered that plants truly love it when we sing to them—it's a sacred connection we’re leaning into.

Reflecting on this gathering, I realized how much I love intentional hangouts. Parties no longer call to me as they once did (perhaps they never really did). Maybe it’s because I’m a highly sensitive person, or maybe it’s my lack of Air element in my birth chart—those with little Air aren’t naturally chatty and tend to prefer deeper, more intentional communication.

​​One really cool thing about this gathering was being around other Jewish people, as well as non-Jews who felt drawn to study Judaism. We had a Rabbi who had recently moved back to the U.S. from Israel with his partner (sadly cause of the war), and a Rabbi-in-training. As a Russian-Jew, I don’t often find myself surrounded by other Jews or these traditions, let alone cool Rabbis. But every now and then, I feel a slight tug to explore my ancestral connection more deeply.

We had a songbook, and it was moving to hear and sing some Hebrew songs. The Rabbi shared some incredible wisdom related to my sharings about the Moondance or my time with the Shipibo, and offered beautiful prayers into our ceremonial space. I sometimes find myself drawn to the idea of Judaism before it became what it is today—the tribal roots that may have been lost over time but may still be alive in some way. (Magic of the Ordinary: Recovering the Shamanic in Judaism is a book I currently have in my stack.)

In the spirit of reflection, we shared our Thorn, Rose, and Bud of 2024:

• Thorn: Something challenging or painful.

• Rose: A moment of beauty or growth.

• Bud: A seed of hope for the year ahead.

I found it so helpful to do this and personally received some golden nugget reflections of the year. I loved it so much, we brought this into our January Cacao Ceremony. Here’s mine:

🌵 Thorn:
My business didn’t reach the level of success I envisioned. While I’ve had incredible cacao ceremonies, Family Constellations workshops, one-on-one sessions, and met amazing people, it hasn’t been as fruitful as I’d hoped. The entrepreneur journey is deeply spiritual, though, and I trust this is part of the process. (Stay tuned cause my biz is about to TRANSFORM, and I am excited!)

🌹 Rose:
Despite the material challenges, I was surprised to realize that 2024 was rich in spiritual growth. From my Family Constellations training to my second year of the Moondance and to my first Dieta with the Shipibo in Peru, I’ve gained profound wisdom that is continuing to integrate and transform me. These experiences are mystery teachings and are beyond what any classroom can teach. I’m really grateful for this Rose and for seeing all the work I did in this realm, that has yet to blossom fully into this reality.

🌱 Bud:
I’m really excited for the creative possibilities of 2025! Tiger and I have grown so much in our relationship, crossing a threshold into greater clarity and ease. We got engaged. This opens the door for deeper collaboration—starting with our Constellations For Your Heart weekend retreat in March. I can’t wait to gather intentionally with those of you who are feeling the call to join. It’s going to be amazing.

Just after midnight, we prayed in circle with my Chanupa (prayer pipe that I received from the Moondance) which was a super special way to be able to send prayers for our lives into 2025. It was the biggest circle my pipe has yet experienced. On New Years Day we shared Cacao with everyone which is becoming a tradition to start off the year in a joyful way! :)

Have you taken a moment to reflect on your own Thorn, Rose, and Bud from your previous year? What challenges have shaped you, what beauty has unfolded, and what seeds are you planting for the future? Reflect with a friend, or send me a note—I’d love to hear from you.

By the way… according to astrology, 2025 is going to be a year of change. All of the outer planets (Neptune, Jupiter, Saturn, Pluto, Uranus) plus the Nodes are changing signs and this has never happened in our life time. It will be a collective shift. I look forward to seeing how this unfolds for us.

As the world continues to shift, I feel more and more prepared to be the spiritual warrior that I am. Here to support myself and others through difficult and amazing times.

Let’s keep living, keep growing, keep being authentic — breaking out of the conditioned systems we were born into. Remembering who we are. Reminding each other who we truly are.

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